things that make you gay, according to people who are probably gay and are trying their hardest to conceal it:
- motherfucking oreo cookies
- wearing clothes that fit
- (if you’re male) bright color clothing
- (if you’re male) manicures, pedicures (without polish. just clean hands and feet. because you know, real men walk around with their hands feeling like they beat off with cinderblocks, and feet like they operate a buggy without a horse.)
- (if you’re male) not wanting to sleep with a woman who has made it known she wants to smang. because real men fuck everything that moves. leave nothing unfucked!
- complimenting the same sex
- breathing near the same sex
- blinking near the same sex
- existing in the same space, as the same sex
- motherfucking smilies in text messages
- going to Pride, if you’re not gay
- not ogling or objectifying the opposite sex in any social setting
- (if you’re male) tweeting another man while your current avi is of you, shirtless
- but excessive use of “no homo” obviously clears all of this up, guys, so no worries!